At times, I believe that there isn’t much meaning to life. Or at least not a meaning that we could even grasp. It feels too fucking egocentric to really believe all of this is all about us. No… at times, I feel like we’re watching life in real time (doi) and we couldn’t have the faintest possible idea on what it is even all about. I’m not saying life is meaningless, per se. It’s just that, I don’t know if there is this big meaning of life that religions preach.

And then, other times, I’m convinced of meaning, and that I want to find the meaning of life.

Cosmic Octopus

Sometimes I like to think that there is a big, cosmic octopus in the sky and we (as in everything we) are all tentacles. All of us – all of life and the history of life and the future of life – with our own brains, our own sensory systems. All of us – people, plants, animals, fungi, protists, receiving, processing, transmitting energy and information. All of it being downloaded by that big, cosmic octopus.

Sometimes that makes the agony of one and the ecstasy of another all seem more “fair.” … We are all instruments of this cosmic octopus, and Homo sapiens have the great fortune to actually be aware of both the beauty and the shit.

Optimistic Nihilist

Sometimes, I like to think that really, there isn’t a big plan. That we, right now, in the year 2024, are as much as a blip in the big, fact timeline of the Universe as the first little single-celled organisms were a billion years ago. As much of a blip as the neanderthal, the pterodactyl, the cockroach. And who knows when it will stop.

Windows and Walls

Sometimes meaning feels like a window. A view. Ventilation.

Sometimes meaning feels like a brick wall.

Sometimes meaning feels like the lichen growing on the brick wall. And the spiderwebs in the window.

Maybe…maybe it’s in the perspective. Maybe instead of looking for the meaning of life, I just need to find meaning in life.

And then

And then, when it gets to this point, I put down the thinking (ruminating?) cap. Go for a walk. Pet the dog. Take a crap. You know. Whatever.